my new year's resolution
As we are seven days into the new year and I have now procrastinated a necessary amount, I thought I would outline my thoughts on new year’s resolutions. Yes, I know everyone says new year’s resolutions are “stupid” and “unnecessary” and “why do we always have to put off making our lives better” and blah blah blah. So to answer the question of why I must wait until next year to be better, I simply say, because I can. I LOVE new year’s resolutions because they are the perfect excuse to eat like crazy and be extra lazy around the holidays. I eat this entire tin of Christmas cookies and watch the Kardashians today because I know on January 1st, I will drink protien shakes and hit the gym instead.
Those moments leading up to the new year are so optimistic. I eat a butt load of food beginning on Thanksgiving and continue to do so throughout the entire month of December. I get so stuffed that I think “Holy shit I am stuffed! I could not possibly eat one more thing!” So I think making a resolution to stop snacking and hit the gym will be easy. Until January 2nd, when all those left-over apps in my fridge begin to beckon, the new seasons of all my shows begin to air, and my goals fly out the window.
Then I decide to stop snacking and work out starting January 1st, 2017, and instead of listening to my growling tummy, I listen to the sweet, silent sound of a spoon sliding into a fresh tub of Ben and Jerry’s. But hey, at least I made those resolutions and thought about being a better version of myself. Really if I’m being honest, I think a better version of myself is always waiting for me next year and I find it very satisfying to say that I have not yet peaked in life. So I will continue to make, and not keep new year’s resolutions because a hot body will always be just around the corner while a hot slice of pizza will always be in my mouth.